Relationship Workout
September 4th, 2007 by Susan Kim
They say that “No man is an island,” and I would have to agree. Whether in business or in your personal life, relationships matter and have a large impact on your well being. As people, we were made to relate and be companions to each other, so when your relationships are confused and unhappy, our lives feel the same.
Relationships influence our body, mind and spirit. Do you notice that after a difficult phase in life your body feels tired, drained? Have you been caught in a moment of pure love for someone and felt the rush of energy? Is it hard to concentrate and focus when there is “drama” in your relationships - good or bad? Then you know what I mean.
Although relating is natural for us, sometimes our relationships are not quite where we want them to be or perhaps they are even hurting us. The best way to enhance your relationships is to improve your Self. Think about it, the common factor in all of your relationships is YOU!
Just like we have to exercise our muscles to be fit, we also have to “work out” our relationships to be healthy and strong.
Below are three Take Action! tips on how to “exercise” your relationships to strengthen and tone up.
#1. RELATIONSHIP SYSTEM
A relationship is a system that combines two individual systems - “You” and “Me” (the other person in the relationship), where each individual affects the outcome of the relationship. Given this model, think about how you are affecting the system. Each adjustment of your actions will somehow change the overall system.
Take Action! - Try it out. . .change your behavior just a little by tweaking something in your relationship. Start with something small. A good exercise to begin is to make a list of three columns:
Column #1: List the challenges/difficulties in your relationship.
Column #2: Write out the usual reaction/response when this situation occurs.
Column #3: Write out how you’re going to “tweak” it - give yourself some options to look at and then decide on one.
#2. RELATIONSHIPS START WITH YOU
The key to the “Relationship System” is that each individual is a separate whole person and is in integrity within themselves, not relying on or being dependent on the other. The relationship winds up being a natural and organic result of two people coming together to enhance the world of the other. Therefore, a healthy relationship starts with a healthy “You,” mentally, physically and spiritually.
Take Action! - Think about how you are contributing to the challenge you listed in #1. Also ask yourself honestly and with integrity, “What will it take for me to be complete?” Start taking care of your Self, giving to your Self and allowing your Self to LIVE. Not only will YOU feel great, but your relationships will improve in parallel!
#3. BOUNDARIES, NOT A MOAT
Relationships are about connecting with people, but boundaries enable us to protect ourselves from the potentially damaging affects of the world around us by discerning negative influences that surround us. Boundaries protect the individual from harm from the outside by letting the right people and behavior in, it does not serve to keep people out like a moat.
Take Action! - Top Three Steps to Building Boundaries:
1. Start Right Away -the sooner you start creating boundaries, the easier it becomes.
2. Be Clear - the better you can articulate your boundaries, the easier it is for others to understand and honor them.
3. Create Fair Boundaries - test your boundaries by asking if you would accept the boundary for someone else. If it is difficult to do, then ask yourself if it’s a fair boundary and adjust.
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Category: Action, Balance, Boundaries, Communication, Personal Development, Relationships, Self Care, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
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