Who do you think are the happiest people in the world?

Would you believe the Danish?

On a recent flight to California, I watched the CBS Eye on AAmerica video that was airing on the plane. The “60 Minutes” piece they showed was about Happiness, so of course my ears perked up immediately. . .

Adrian White, an analytic social psychologist at the University of Leicester developed the first “World Map of Happiness” and ranked Denmark as the happiest nation in the world. This has prompted other academics to do some research of their own to answer the question of WHY.

Ultimately happiness manifests in our lives through purpose and pleasure.

Two main points in the WHY research that I would like to share here:

Have Moderate Expectations - Be Realistic :
The Danish have moderate expectations, so the pressure is off. When something does turn out spectacular, then they are very grateful for it. Compare that with our standard American view where everything needs to be great or outstanding. With those kinds of demands, not only is it unrealistic at times, it’s also very difficult to achieve. When expectations are too high (or unrealistic) and they are not met, people feel a sense of failure which leads to low self esteem, a feeling of discontentment, stress and overall unhappiness.
You can have moderate expectations and still excel greatly in what you do.

Ask yourself: What are your expectations of yourself? Are they realistic?
A suggestion is to start thinking about having HIGH STANDARDS vs. EXPECTATIONS. With Expectations there is a sense of anticipation or looking for something that might happen. With High Standards it is a model or example by which you live and achieve.
A second suggestion, Be Grateful - Honor the Blessings in Your Life.

Do Less - Stay Present:
Americans tend to try to fit in too much. Do Less. Tal Ben-Shahar noted in a study comparing American and European women, it was shown that American women do not particularly enjoy spending time with their children. It wasn’t because they loved their children any less, in fact often children was one of the most important things in their lives. When the researchers dug deeper, they realized that when the women were with their children, they were not really WITH their children - they were not present. Instead they were thinking about what they needed to do next, on email or on the phone. In essence their mind was somewhere else and they were not able to fully enjoy the time spent with their children.

Ask youself: Do you do so much that you do not enjoy the important things in your life?
A suggestion is to simplify your life, do less, choose the important things in your life and be absolutely present with those things.

We certainly can learn something from the Danish and why they are the happiest country in the world, but I believe:

Everyone defines happiness based on what is important and meaningful to them, so achieving happiness in your life is simply a matter of choice.

Make Happiness Yours,
Susan?

Technorati Tags: happiness, Tal Ben-Shahar, Adrian White, expectations, stay present

In Kaikoura we swam with the dolphins! Not in a tank or a huge pool – we swam with the dolphins on THEIR terms, in THEIR natural setting – the Pacific Ocean.

The staff donned us with our wetsuits and snorkel gear, drove us out into the middle of the ocean where we found a pod of about 100 dusky dolphins. We jumped off into the middle of the swimming pod and did our best to grab their attention, with the staff’s recommendations – making funny noises, diving (as dolphins would), swimming and trying to catch their eye. At first I was skeptical that their suggested methods would work – how could WE get THEIR attention and entertain THEM? Then we caught the attention of our first dolphin and my husband flipped, spun and held their eye contact. . . it worked! They spun right along side of him!
I thought, “This is amazing! We’re actually communicating with them by speaking THEIR language!” And it made sense. We’re in their environment, so it only makes sense that we adapt our communication style to how they would understand us. Once we did, the interaction was a lot easier and mutually entertaining and fun.

TAKE ACTION! TIP:
When you find yourself in a new setting, a new environment or amidst strangers, feel more comfortable by learning to speak THEIR language. Do this by asking them questions and listening. Everyone has their own personal “language.” Once you open up to that language and start relating, in no time you’ll find that you’re interacting more easily and building a solid relationship.

Make Happiness Yours,
Susan

Technorati Tags: communication, meeting new people, perspectives, dolphins, communication lessons, interaction, adapting, relating

There is nothing like taking a two week trip – without email, cell phone, laptop. Can you say. . . “AH!”

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my laptop and the convenience of all of my electronic tchotchkes, but I realized that time doesn’t stop without them. . . REALLY! And in fact, time did not have a problem moving quickly without them either - time flew!

Fittingly, I spent the technology deficient weeks in gorgeous New Zealand where the rolling green hills, the beautiful glaciers and the grazing sheep represent a pure land without the amenities of modernization. If you want a flavor of New Zealand, check out the movie, Lord of the Rings. Much of the movie was filmed in director’s Peter Jackson’s homeland of New Zealand and they did not even need cgi to enhance it.

My husband and I rented a camper van and got back into nature and how inspiring it is! Believe it or not it was not only personally and emotionally inspiring, but it was also professionally inspiring, giving me great energy and motivation for business. Just imagine the clarity of thought swimming with dolphins, walking in glacier country and seeing the nocturnal migration of penguins. Naturally awe inspiring.

Imagine being dropped into the middle of 100 dolphins swimming. . . and trying to entertain THEM to get their attention! Inspired me to build better practices of communication. . . read how next week!

Next week – “Swimming with Dolphins”
Make Happiness Yours,
Susan

Technorati Tags: inspiration, travel, New Zealand, energy, self care, motivation, communication, clarity

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Love is in the air. . . and I’m not referring to the heart shaped candy boxes or the long stem roses that we often see around this time of the year. The “love” I am thinking of is toward our neighbor, our friend, our family and our fellow human being.

This year is the 10th Anniversary of V-Day (www.vday.org), a global movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of Playwright/Founder Even Ensler’s award winning play “The ‘V’ Monologues.”

Two years ago I had the honor of being a cast member of the V-Day production on Maui, Hawaii. The experience opened my eyes not only to the terrible abuse toward women and girls that already exists in our world, but also showed me the love and support available to victims of violence. The performance united people of different race, religion and political association. Talk about non-partisanship! This year I am volunteering by helping with the production and fundraising for V-Day 2008 on Maui (www.vdaymaui.com). The magic is happening again. We have our public servants and administrators from both parties, contributing to the performance and reading for the event.

Two things I want to point out:
1. Throughout the violence and destruction that we often see and read about in the world today, know that at the same time there is also the birth of love and support that shows up just as strong, if not stronger.

2. A common purpose, that comes from love and support, can unite even the most steadfast opponents.

Silence empowers violence and creates victims.
Awareness and Action empowers victims to become Survivors.

Some ways you can Take Action!

1. Find a local event.
Visit http://events.vday.org/search.php to find an event near you.

2. Spread the word.
Share your local event with your family, friends and colleagues. Just by spreading the word, you can save a life and help support someone to survive. Also, participate in the “V to the Tenth” event on April 12th, 2008 in New Orleans.

3. Get the facts.
Violence is an issue that plagues all women and men in every part of the world. Here are some statistics about rape, incest, battery, FGM, sex slavery/trafficking. Also for more information, here is an Anti-Violence Resource Guide (http://www.feminist.com/antiviolence/).

4. Organize a V-Day event.
If you would like to host a V-Day event in your College, Community or High School, you can find out more and register here: http://v10.vday.org/take-action/organize-a-local-group

5. Get help.
If you are in need of immediate medical attenton or police assistance in the United States, dial 9-1-1 on your telephone.
If you or someone you know has experienced violence in the United States, call:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): 800-656-HOPE (4673)
For assistance in other countries or to learn more, please visit the Anti-Violence Resource Guide (http://www.feminist.com/antiviolence/)

Wishing you Love and Happiness,
Susan?

Technorati Tags: VDay, Vagina Monologues, life coach on Maui, Hawaii events, stop violence

With Aloha and Good Cheer!

 Wishing you much JOY and HAPPINESS in 2008!

With Love and Peace,

Susan

How do we open our hearts to appreciate the LOVE of the season without being overwhelmed and stressed by it at the same time?

This is a good question to think about regardless of the time of year. With clear purpose and intentions we can open our hearts and our lives to LOVE without being affected by some of the potential stressors of everyday.

Start by discovering what is most important to you. Once you identify that, it will help keep you focused for what you want in life. Holidays are often filled with activities that drain – think of the reason behind the activity and determine if it is important for your life.
ASK YOURSELF:
What are the things that drain you? Why are you doing it?
Sometimes it could be cultural, traditional or simply out of feeling obligation, but usually there is a reason why you are doing it. Reconnect with that purpose and consider what is important for you in your life right now.

Next, budget your time and money. Planning a little will help prevent overwhelm around these two areas. AND it will enable you to stay more focused on what is important instead of worrying or running around spinning your wheels.
TAKE ACTION:
Budgeting Time – When considering your schedule with family events, volunteer request, holiday parties, travel, business obligations, make your decisions based on the purpose and intention behind the event. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Why is this important?
Budgeting Money – Create a budget. It’s that simple. It will help keep your spending focused. Budget for regular expenses, donations, gifts, travel, entertainment, personal and miscellaneous. As you create your budget, think about what is absolutely important to you – again find the purpose and intention behind the spending. If you get caught in the midst of an “impulse” buy (which is easy to do during the holiday sales!) review your budget and consider what you could take off your list in exchange for this “impulsive” purchase. If it is important enough, the replacement will be easy; if it’s difficult, reconsider.

Finally, by taking care of your body, you also take care of your heart, mind and soul. How you feel physically will certainly affect your mindset and vice versa. Taking care of your body through WAG (see below), will enable you to love and fully appreciate because you won’t feel sluggish or sleepy. In fact, you’ll feel energized and happy with your body.
TAKE ACTION:
1. Drink Water
Water is so important to our diets. During the holidays amidst the glasses of eggnog, sodas and wine, water is forgotten. Not only will water re-hydrate and keep the bodily functions moving along, it also helps to fill the body with a non-caloric way to quench your thirst, helping to maintain a healthy diet (see Grazing).
2. Stay Active
Activity is easy to come by during the holidays, but often it’s the likes of going to parties, having drinks, going shopping, etc – not quite the exercise regimen of a healthy lifestyle. You may not have time for the gym, but you can still stay active and keep healthy. For example, park at the opposite end of the mall and walk briskly to your destination – that can be a good 10-20 minute event, depending on the mall. If you can do a full workout, GREAT! But if not, take the stairs, walk, incorporate activity where you can.
3. Graze
Grazing is pretty common during the holidays – food is omnipresent. It is the quantity and what we eat that throws us off balance (and maybe even gaining a pound or two). When grazing, it’s about reducing the size of each meal, not just eating more frequently, so cut your normal portion into half or thirds. Also, when choosing the foods to eat, start by eating a protein, second eat a vegetable, third drink water and finally allow yourself to indulge with a “goodie” if you like. By the time you eat the sugary goodness, at least you will have had some nutritious food AND you will be partially satiated.

The above are my strategies and suggestions. – if they sound good, try them. I encourage you to develop some healthy strategies for yourself.

Technorati Tags: holiday, budget, spending money, time management, activity, self care, season, love, being present

Everyone knows breathing is essential for life - we do it without any thought. However, breath is not only important to the physical functioning of our bodies, but it is also vital to our emotional and spiritual well being. During times of tension or anxiety, oftentimes people will hold their breath (think about watching a suspenseful part of a movie or when you have to give a BIG presentation.) Remember the sigh that usual comes after such moments? We feel relieved, our heart starts to slow down and there is a sense of peace and relaxation.

Why not harness this power of relaxation at will?

During times of stress or when you need to take a moment to relax, help yourself by “taking a breather,” literally! Consciously make a decision to BREATHE and utilize your body’s natural ability to relieve stress - it is free, fast, you can do it anywhere, AND breathing will clear your mind so you can accomplish more!

There are three main parts to breathing - inhaling, exhaling and the “rest” that comes in between them. Inhaling enables the body to get the supply of oxygen it needs for survival. Oxygen is required for proper functioning of all parts of the human body, however, the organ that needs the most is the brain. If the brain does not get ample oxygen, it results in depression, mental sluggishness, irritation and even negative thoughts. Exhaling gets rid of the waste from the body. Without properly flushing out these toxins, the body may experience a build up, which in turn results in disease or mental stress.

In times of stress, not only will “proper breathing” help, but breathing exercises will also help to calm, soothe and relax the body will physically nourish the body while relieving the mind.

Below are some simple, yet effective breathing exercises. When practiced on a regular basis, you will feel Create Better Balance, Accomplish More and Live Easier.

#1. SQUARE BREATHING
Square breathing is an exercise that helps you to slow down and focus on your breathing so you can develop a clearer mind and feel more relaxed.
Take Action! steps to SQUARE BREATHING
1. Sit down comfortably.
2. Inhale to a count of 4.
3. Hold for a count of 4.
4. Exhale to a count f 4.
5. Hold for a count of 4.
6. Repeat from Step #2.

#2. BIKRAM YOGA EXHALE BREATHING (Kapalbhati)
I practice Bikram Yoga and the very last “posture” is a breathing exercise, Kapalbhati, where you exhale forcefully using your abdominal muscles.
Take Action! steps to better EXHALE BREATHING
1. Kneel down, sitting on your heels.
2. Sit up straight with your hands on your knees.
3. Blow out forcefully through your mouth, creating a “shoooo” sound.
4. As you exhale, pull in your stomach, using your abdominal muscles.
5. Relax the stomach and inhale.
6. Repeat steps 3-5 for one minute.

#3. ONE MINUTE BREATHING
This exercise will relax you throughout your day. It literally takes just one minute and will leave you feeling relaxed.
Take Action! steps ONE MINUTE BREATHING
1. Sit comfortably.
2. Close your eyes.
3. Start at 50 and count down, slowly.
4. Make sure to breathe easily.
5. Focus on the numbers as you count down.
6. When you get to zero, take a few breaths.
7. Open your eyes and feel revived!

When you’re feeling stress or tension, learn how to harness the power of relaxation through breathing. Sometimes the best form of self care is to just BREATHE.

Make Happiness Yours!
Susan

Technorati Tags: self care, breathe, relaxation, calm, inhaling, exhaling, well being, stress, health, revitalize, focus, energy