Who do you think are the happiest people in the world?

Would you believe the Danish?

On a recent flight to California, I watched the CBS Eye on AAmerica video that was airing on the plane. The “60 Minutes” piece they showed was about Happiness, so of course my ears perked up immediately. . .

Adrian White, an analytic social psychologist at the University of Leicester developed the first “World Map of Happiness” and ranked Denmark as the happiest nation in the world. This has prompted other academics to do some research of their own to answer the question of WHY.

Ultimately happiness manifests in our lives through purpose and pleasure.

Two main points in the WHY research that I would like to share here:

Have Moderate Expectations - Be Realistic :
The Danish have moderate expectations, so the pressure is off. When something does turn out spectacular, then they are very grateful for it. Compare that with our standard American view where everything needs to be great or outstanding. With those kinds of demands, not only is it unrealistic at times, it’s also very difficult to achieve. When expectations are too high (or unrealistic) and they are not met, people feel a sense of failure which leads to low self esteem, a feeling of discontentment, stress and overall unhappiness.
You can have moderate expectations and still excel greatly in what you do.

Ask yourself: What are your expectations of yourself? Are they realistic?
A suggestion is to start thinking about having HIGH STANDARDS vs. EXPECTATIONS. With Expectations there is a sense of anticipation or looking for something that might happen. With High Standards it is a model or example by which you live and achieve.
A second suggestion, Be Grateful - Honor the Blessings in Your Life.

Do Less - Stay Present:
Americans tend to try to fit in too much. Do Less. Tal Ben-Shahar noted in a study comparing American and European women, it was shown that American women do not particularly enjoy spending time with their children. It wasn’t because they loved their children any less, in fact often children was one of the most important things in their lives. When the researchers dug deeper, they realized that when the women were with their children, they were not really WITH their children - they were not present. Instead they were thinking about what they needed to do next, on email or on the phone. In essence their mind was somewhere else and they were not able to fully enjoy the time spent with their children.

Ask youself: Do you do so much that you do not enjoy the important things in your life?
A suggestion is to simplify your life, do less, choose the important things in your life and be absolutely present with those things.

We certainly can learn something from the Danish and why they are the happiest country in the world, but I believe:

Everyone defines happiness based on what is important and meaningful to them, so achieving happiness in your life is simply a matter of choice.

Make Happiness Yours,
Susan?

Technorati Tags: happiness, Tal Ben-Shahar, Adrian White, expectations, stay present

Have you ever seen a real live glacier?
It’s an incredibly awe inspiring experience. To think that this is water flow from the Ice Age, is absolutely amazing! Seeing the glacier from the outside is beautiful - it looks like a river, frozen in time. But then when you travel further inside, you find cracks and crevices that are filled with stories and experience that reveal even more about the glacier’s “personality.” What a wealth of history trapped in the ice. If only the glacier could talk! What did it experience yesterday that effects how it is today?

Much like the glacier, oftentimes there is rich beauty, history and experience within people that we do not readily see. These stories are hidden behind a protective shell or perhaps takes time to be uncovered. When we make the effort to understand people’s history, their perspective, then WE grow, WE learn, WE are enriched. Doing so also strengthens bonds through better understanding and develops a relationship to a deeper level.

I can’t help but think about the benefits in business when we understand the story of our clients, our vendors, our colleagues. The knowledge not only brings a new insight in order to provide improved service, but it also naturally creates a deeper level of trust.

Relationships built on trust and understanding – whether in business or in personal life – certainly makes life easier. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?

TAKE ACTION! TIP:
Just like the glacier, there is an abundance of beauty under the surface of each person we encounter. Take time to discover and understand the hidden stories behind the people in your life.
I would love to hear your stories about this.
Comment on this blog or write to me at info@susankimcoaching.com about support, encouragement and inspiration in YOUR life.

Make Happiness Yours,
Susan

Technorati Tags: perspectives, understanding, relationships, trust, glacier, hidden stories, history

In Kaikoura we swam with the dolphins! Not in a tank or a huge pool – we swam with the dolphins on THEIR terms, in THEIR natural setting – the Pacific Ocean.

The staff donned us with our wetsuits and snorkel gear, drove us out into the middle of the ocean where we found a pod of about 100 dusky dolphins. We jumped off into the middle of the swimming pod and did our best to grab their attention, with the staff’s recommendations – making funny noises, diving (as dolphins would), swimming and trying to catch their eye. At first I was skeptical that their suggested methods would work – how could WE get THEIR attention and entertain THEM? Then we caught the attention of our first dolphin and my husband flipped, spun and held their eye contact. . . it worked! They spun right along side of him!
I thought, “This is amazing! We’re actually communicating with them by speaking THEIR language!” And it made sense. We’re in their environment, so it only makes sense that we adapt our communication style to how they would understand us. Once we did, the interaction was a lot easier and mutually entertaining and fun.

TAKE ACTION! TIP:
When you find yourself in a new setting, a new environment or amidst strangers, feel more comfortable by learning to speak THEIR language. Do this by asking them questions and listening. Everyone has their own personal “language.” Once you open up to that language and start relating, in no time you’ll find that you’re interacting more easily and building a solid relationship.

Make Happiness Yours,
Susan

Technorati Tags: communication, meeting new people, perspectives, dolphins, communication lessons, interaction, adapting, relating

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Love is in the air. . . and I’m not referring to the heart shaped candy boxes or the long stem roses that we often see around this time of the year. The “love” I am thinking of is toward our neighbor, our friend, our family and our fellow human being.

This year is the 10th Anniversary of V-Day (www.vday.org), a global movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of Playwright/Founder Even Ensler’s award winning play “The ‘V’ Monologues.”

Two years ago I had the honor of being a cast member of the V-Day production on Maui, Hawaii. The experience opened my eyes not only to the terrible abuse toward women and girls that already exists in our world, but also showed me the love and support available to victims of violence. The performance united people of different race, religion and political association. Talk about non-partisanship! This year I am volunteering by helping with the production and fundraising for V-Day 2008 on Maui (www.vdaymaui.com). The magic is happening again. We have our public servants and administrators from both parties, contributing to the performance and reading for the event.

Two things I want to point out:
1. Throughout the violence and destruction that we often see and read about in the world today, know that at the same time there is also the birth of love and support that shows up just as strong, if not stronger.

2. A common purpose, that comes from love and support, can unite even the most steadfast opponents.

Silence empowers violence and creates victims.
Awareness and Action empowers victims to become Survivors.

Some ways you can Take Action!

1. Find a local event.
Visit http://events.vday.org/search.php to find an event near you.

2. Spread the word.
Share your local event with your family, friends and colleagues. Just by spreading the word, you can save a life and help support someone to survive. Also, participate in the “V to the Tenth” event on April 12th, 2008 in New Orleans.

3. Get the facts.
Violence is an issue that plagues all women and men in every part of the world. Here are some statistics about rape, incest, battery, FGM, sex slavery/trafficking. Also for more information, here is an Anti-Violence Resource Guide (http://www.feminist.com/antiviolence/).

4. Organize a V-Day event.
If you would like to host a V-Day event in your College, Community or High School, you can find out more and register here: http://v10.vday.org/take-action/organize-a-local-group

5. Get help.
If you are in need of immediate medical attenton or police assistance in the United States, dial 9-1-1 on your telephone.
If you or someone you know has experienced violence in the United States, call:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): 800-656-HOPE (4673)
For assistance in other countries or to learn more, please visit the Anti-Violence Resource Guide (http://www.feminist.com/antiviolence/)

Wishing you Love and Happiness,
Susan?

Technorati Tags: VDay, Vagina Monologues, life coach on Maui, Hawaii events, stop violence

You already know my feelings about resolutions. . .
Fuhgedaboudit!
At least “fuhgedaboud” the “old” resolutions that do not pertain to your life RIGHT NOW. And “fuhgedaboud” those goals that weigh you down, year after year (see SOAR).
Instead, create intention and purpose around what you want.

Five years ago I worked with my coach to create a “Living Theme.” A theme is a motto or mantra that supports you every single day. It is an intentional focus that empowers you throughout the year. Every day, when you wake up, your theme inspires and motivates you to move forward.

It is about setting an intention based on what you want the year to be about. As an example, here are some themes I created:

• “Be Great” – The year I created this theme, I moved to Maui, bought a house, started my coaching practice and established myself as a professional speaker/trainer. Each step of the way I was thinking of “being GREAT!”

• “Get Involved” – My “Get Involved” year was amazing! I started working with (and getting involved with) community organizations I care about, like the Maui Humane Society and American Cancer Society. I also got more involved professionally by volunteering my time to work with entrepreneurs as a business counselor/coach for the Small Business Administration offices of SCORE and SBDC.

A theme empowers and inspires through purpose and intention all year long!
To start creating YOUR Theme, brainstorm with the following ideas:

1. Think of what you want right now. Brainstorm words and phrases that are relevant and touches you personally.
2. Challenge yourself (refer to SOARing, December blog) – Think of how you want to stretch yourself in the coming year.
3. Think of 3 quotes that speak to you and what you’re about today.

As you brainstorm, your theme might pop out at you or you might have to find a common connection among your ideas. Either way, this will get you started.

Have a wonderfully, intentional Year!

Technorati Tags: intention, theme, resolutions, goals, stay inspired, motivation, challenge, success, purpose, inspiration.

I know I’m jumping the gun, just a little bit, but whenever August rolls around, I always think of the end of summer and the start of my favorite season. . . Autumn.

To me, the Autumn season represents change, transition, new life, growth and development. It is like a new day. It is when kids go back to school, trees shed their leaves and crops are harvested. It’s a wonderful time of year. But then again, I LOVE change, others may not.

Everyone reacts to change in their life differently:
Some embrace the change.
Some purposely create change.
Some enjoy the status quo and try to avoid change as much as possible.

Regardless of your approach to the concept of change, life IS change, change is inevitable.

“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” John F. Kennedy.

So how do YOU deal with change in your life?
Does it work for you?

Below I share some three tips on how to bring about change smoothly, easily and naturally. (PS - These tips are great even if you are NOT in transition.)

#1. ENJOY THE RIDE
Transition or not, it’s always refreshing to have a bit of fun! However, particularly during times of change, fun is often forgotten. One way you can bring back a bit of fun is to celebrate your milestones, relish in your discoveries, reward yourself for your successes!
A. List rewards for yourself or ways you want to celebrate.
B. Categorize them into two columns: “Adding Joy” and “The Big Kahuna!” (or whatever labels you like). The “Adding Joy” column is any reward you would like to give yourself for on-going milestones and progress. “The Big Kahuna” column are rewards for larger accomplishments and completion of a big task.
C. Each time you reach a milestone or success on your journey treat yourself by “Adding Joy” or giving yourself “The Big Kahuna!”

#2. REMEMBERING SELF CARE
Too often Self Care is forgotten when people go through transition; this makes it harder. The transition is already bringing a certain amount of stress, it doesn’t make sense to further add to the imbalance in your life by not taking care of your Self. During transition, we end up DOING instead of BEING. Taking time to remember Self Care will enable you to BE while DOING. It will give you a sense of control, revitalization, motivation and relaxation.
A. Think about where you get your energy from.
B. List 5-10 things you can do for yourself in 30 minutes or less (give yourself options to choose!). Some examples might be to stretch, enjoy the fresh air, write in a journal, take a bath, read for 20 minutes, etc.
C. Practice at least 2 items on your list DAILY.

#3. MAKING YOURSELF AT HOME:
Wherever you are in the transitional process, it is important to get a sense of your physical environment and create a space that is comfortable and safe for you. This is different from Self Care in that it is your external environment, whereas Self Care relates to your well-being and inner Self.
A. Think about your definition of Home.
B. Write down 5 things that make it a home for you. It can be tangible items, like flowers or a comfortable couch, or it can be intangible, like the smell or feel or your home.
C. Incorporate at least 3 of these things into your home during transition.

Technorati Tags: Self Care, Transition, Change, Relaxing, Peaceful Environment, Reward

I often live by strong, yet simple principles:
“Do Unto Others”
“Be Real”
“No Regrets”
“Just Do It”
And the list goes on. Okay, it’s not the “Ten Commandments” but they are principles and taglines that remind me not only of who I am, but how I want to live my life.

A few years ago I was awakened by three words that says it all:
Live, Laugh, Love (or “L-cubed”)

The first time I got this message, it was in an email. Actually several emails that came at me at the same time. The content of the emails were different, but in the end, it always had this same message (or a version of it):

“Work as if you have no money. Love as if you have never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. And live everyday as if it were your last.”

And then soon after this initial email I received a couple of cards with just three words on the front:
“Live, Laugh, Love”

At first I didn’t think anything of it, but with the second card, I paid attention. Something clicked in my mind and reacted to the message in front of me. At that particular moment, I remembered thinking, “Am I living?” And when I honestly took a step back to look at my life, with my wheels spinning at 100 mph, I realized no, I was NOT living. Not the way I want to be living. I was becoming a member of the walking dead - a zombie.

Then, recalling the Michael Jackson “Thriller” video, I laughed at myself and it felt good. I thought to myself, “I need to do that more often.” Simply laugh. I told myself that I was going to exercise my “laugh muscle” because that takes practice too.

And “Love.” So many other emotions were consuming my heart that Love was getting pushed to the side and toward the back. Love for my work. Love for my family. Love for my friends. Love for the world. Love for myself. As John Lennon says, “All we need is Love.”
It’s so simple, it’s forgettable.

When I made these realizations, my mindset started to shift. I made those three words my motto for the following year and I woke up and walked off the wheel. I started to Live. I began to Laugh again. And I Loved, as often as I could.

Just as I needed that second message, we often need that second (or third) “slap in the face” to tell us and wake us up from the daily grind that we find ourselves in. To wake up and realize that there is more to life than “the grind” or the paycheck or “doing” and spinning our wheels.

Depending on the situation, I still use other mottos and sayings to keep me motivated and inspired, but what follows me internally and deeply with everything I do is to:

“Live, Laugh and Love”

I encourage you to find the motto that works for you. Something that enables you to get into a mindset where you feel joy and know that what you’re doing is right for you. A saying that conjures up the right energy and momentum for when you need it. Words that will help you live a life of passion and purpose.�

Technorati Tags: Live, Laugh, Love, Being in the Present, Living, Balance, Passion, Purpose

“I love my house cleaner, Julie.”
I am constantly reminded of this fact.
Just recently I came back from a 10 day vacation to a tidy, clean, scrubbed down house. It felt great! It wasn’t always like this, however. It took me a while to accept, embrace and truly LOVE Julie as my house cleaner.

I am a “Git-It-Done” kind of person and I’ve always prided myself on the fact that I DO get things done. “Take Action!” is my motto and I live by it, gosh darn it! No matter what it is:
Cooking
Cleaning
Developing my business
Volunteering
Taking care of my family
Walking the dog
Gardening
Taking classes
Having dinner parties
Keeping up with our friends
Networking
Grocery shopping
Laundry
Washing the car
And the list goes on and on. . . . I can “Git-It-Done!” ALL OF IT!

Well, I can’t and I didn’t.

I remember when all was going great until “life happened” and priorities shifted, schedules changed and sometimes things got put on the backburner. Then the dust bunnies mulitplied and when they took over, my home was no longer my “haven.” It turned into something I was tolerating and a source of frustration. Most days I was able to harness the positive and keep my mindset in check, but those few “off” days certainly did not have a positive effect on my mood, my work or my motivation.

Finally, it took my husband to suggest a housekeeper that helped me see the light.

At first I resisted, “No, I can do it. No problem.” Inside I didn’t want to be a failure at being able to manage everything. So I did it, . . . created a schedule, extended my days, started spinning, spinning and spinning. . . until one day I realized I wasn’t LIVING any more, I was just DOING all the time and feeling miserable for my efforts.

And one day it just hit me.
“I” was creating this miserable state.
All my efforts were making me miserable.
“I” have to change.
So I did. And it took a while.

At first I would clean up right before Julie arrived, tidying things up just a bit. It was silly, but I was still holding on to the “I-Can-Do-Everything” mentality. Then one day I had a meeting, did not tidy up and you know what happened? Nothing. She came. She cleaned. It was great! And “I” felt great!

I realized that my letting go of this task, accepting and embracing Julie’s services, was not only important to the state of my physical space and environment, but it was vitally important to my own personal well-being.

I was “cleaning house” in more ways than one. I found that I was feeling better, more productive and felt calm and relaxed. Even though she only comes twice a month while I clean and tidy up throughout the week, I SO appreciate those days that she is here. I walk in to a clean, fresh smelling, tidy home. Let me say it again:

“I LOVE my house cleaner.”

Technorati Tags: delegating, letting go, appreciation, self care, personal change, realization, well-being, positive environment

The dictionary defines “abundance” as “an ample quantity” or “wealth.”
However living abundantly means that you have an adequate amount of whatever you need; it means that life is plentiful; you are wealthy. It also means that you are not driven by your needs, because you have already have more than you need.

Most people are living off of fumes and just scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of time, energy, resources, space, money, etc. Think about your day, are you spinning your wheels and putting out one fire to the next? If you answered yes, then youʼre running on fumes. So how do you fill up your tank? Live with abundance.

Abundant living is the idea that you already have all that you need. Abundant living is thinking win-win. Abundant living is about building reserves so that you are not wanting for anything; youʼre not motivated or driven by your needs. Once you start thinking and living abundantly you will naturally attract whatever you need and more! Abundant living makes life easier.

START LIVING WITH ABUNDANCE:

1. Identify what is abundant in your life right now - We all have “richness” in our lives right now, but sometimes it gets lost in the fog of the fumes. Clear the air and breathe, recognize what you have right now in your life.

2. Understand your needs - in addition to basic human needs (food, water, sleep, etc.) everyone has personal needs (appreciation, community, calmness, etc.). Know and be aware or your needs and how they drive you, both positively and negatively.

3. Think “win-win” - many conflicts arise from limiting beliefs and “win-lose” thinking. However, if you think abundantly and know that both parties can benefit, the solution becomes much more rewarding and you create a symbiotic relationship.

Try applying Abundant Living principles at work or business. By thinking “win-win” you accomplish more and build strong mutually beneficial partnerships.

Technorati Tags: Vision, Appreciation, Reflection, Relationships, Balance, Law of Attraction, Abundance

At the end of the year, it’s natural to think of the “Year In Review;” reflecting on accomplishments, taking stock of unfinished projects and remembering significant events. At the same time, thoughts almost immediately project into the future, anticipating what tasks can roll over into the next year and what projects need to be added.

Take a minute to think about this. . .

Now STOP!

How about appreciating this very moment, right now?

Reflecting:
Hold the reflections of the past for a minute. . .
Think about how far you’ve come since the beginning of the year or since the start of this particular project. Think about the “wins” and the challenges. Think about the learning and the growth experienced. Sometimes the obstacles may not be that pleasant to recall, but that makes the current moment even sweeter.

This moment right now is wonderfully perfect.

Projecting:
Now, pause with the projections . . .
Notice how what has occurred in your recent history enables you to look toward the future. Because of a particular challenge, you’ve learned a new, better way of taking action. Because you finished one project, you can move onto the next step. Because you are in the space of knowledge and experience today, you can move forward to tomorrow.

This moment right now, allows you to live the next moment.

As the reflecting and projecting continues, remember to appreciate the current moment for all the greatness, richness and rewards it offers.

Today is truly the greatest of presents.
Remember the importance of presence.

Technorati Tags: Appreciation, Reflection, Vision, Being In the Present, Action